To read Part 1, click here.
To read Part 2, click here.
Last time I left off with depression. Loss of friends. Lost trust in family. Sounds like a regular teenage story right?
But how many of us are actually putting our teenage story out in the blogosphere, open to criticism, all for His glory?
Yep, my thoughts exactly...let's continue.
My first diagnosis of depression came when I was fifteen.
I skipped school to go spend a day with a New York boy. I thought I was doing big things then though. I mean not only was he from New York, but he was grown. He was cute. He was giving me the attention I craved.
I left school campus with a disregard to the video camera watching me walk over to the Burger King next to our school. A day later when I came back to school, not only did I have to worry about the trouble I was in at home, I had to deal with the in school suspension that came from cutting class.
If I could do that one day over I would. I wish I hadn't went. I gave away more of myself in that situation that I have ever admitted to anyone. You are the first. It wasn't just physical but it was very emotional.
I couldn't emotionally detangle myself from the mess I had gotten myself into. Many would say that I wasn't depressed that I was just being too grown for my age but I believe that this is what gave the depression an opportunity to spring to life.
I was terribly messed up. I missed weeks of school. Stayed in a mental institute only to be told that even if I got better most patients that suffer from depression would be back. I swore that I wouldn't but unfortunately I did have to go back. Not to the same place but I was hospitalized again.
At this point in my life I was only a tenth grader. Yeah, wow! I was a baby but there is still so much more that happened.
So many heartbreaks. So many looking for love in the wrong places. So many mistakes.
|senior year 2002|
By the eleventh grade I was a little better but I was still emotionally strung out trying to keep the revolving relationship door to stay still for a while.
I won't give you all the details because seriously I could write a book on this if I wanted but I'll let you know that by the time I had reached graduation I was considered by many to be a "man snatcher". Loose. Untrustworthy. Unfriendable (I'm aware this isn't a word grammar people).
I graduated with honors and vowed to go to college and to leave all of my emotional baggage and boy drama behind me. Only I wouldn't be able to. College wasn't any easier.